black girl ballet, the 'mother's arms' edition
- Mar 6
- 3 min read
Updated: 6 days ago
This is a song about the relationship that I have with my mum, an acknowledgement of generational trauma and a map of the journey to healing together. There is a message about mothering your inner child and keeping yourself safe, and an acknowledgement that there is a moment where the dynamic shifts and it is up to you to keep your mother safe. I will keep coming back to this page to elaborate on the track, but I hope you enjoy this video featuring the brilliant Lauren Beharie, a Black ballerina who has inspired me to move my body again.
I used to go to ballet, not when I was really young, but maybe from year 7 to year 9. I had a lovely teacher, Miss Sims, who really believed in me, and let encouraged me to dance through the steps. It was a really small ballet class, the twins (who i'd been friends with since primary school), then 3 others. So there were 6 of us, and actually, two of us were Black girls, which felt good but was clear that none of us were going to be ballerinas when we grew up. I can't speak for the others but although I could (and still can) dance, I simply didn't have the physique for it, even down to the arch in my feet. I remember conversations about tucking in my bum to maintain the 'correct posture' and making sure my hair was 'in a neat bun' for the exams, so that I wouldn't lose marks.
When you think about it, you realise that ballet and the industry around it is not (well certainly was not) set up for Black girls to thrive in it, which feels like a microcosm of the world that we live in. By simply existing as we are, we 'lose marks' whether that's on beauty standards, personality traits or dispositions that could be interpreted as 'rude' or 'difficult' or even carrying the weight of generational trauma which can hold us back from realising our potential.
When I think about me in the context of 21st Century Britain, I have to consider my mum in the context of the late 20th Century and how the narrative and conditions around Blackness have shifted and shaped us as individuals and as a pair. The constant chipping away at our essence apparently does take its toll and shows up in so many ways, which I will continue to unpack here, but 'Mother's Arms' is my first attempt at trying to make sense of it all.
There are so many questions. I look to my mum for the answers but she doesn't always have them. Sometimes, through questioning, I uncover the context that shaped her, and through understanding that, I gain a better understanding of her lens and how she raised me and my siblings, and eventually reach conclusions which help me to understand, love and accept myself. It's a healing journey, just like making this piece of art has been.
Filmed in Liverpool with ballerina Lauren Beharie, we dance alone and together, symbolising the mother-daughter relationship and how there are these nuanced moments of connection that define who we become.
I'll keep reflecting on this and adding my thoughts, but i'd love to hear yours! Leave a comment on YouTube!
